Thankful

Here's a copy of my latest post from ye ole training blog:

 Since about July 2011 through now, I haven't been doing a ton of running due to one injury or another. First there was some wicked tendonitis on the tops of my feet. I saw a sports podiatrist who gave me some exercises to do & I also got custom inserts. Hooray.

With the exercises & some rejiggered Super Feet inserts, I made it through the Rock n' Roll Half Marathon in San Jose on 10/3, but it wasn't pretty. I was still in a lot of pain & hadn't been able to train enough to make it a good race. I finally got my custom inserts at the end of October. On the 27th, I was going for my first run with the inserts. I was on a trail that I knew, it wasn't hard, and I wasn't pushing myself too hard, but when I went to dodge a pothole, while my foot was still in the air, I felt a pop in my knee. There was no running back to the car at all. I thought I had torn something, but an MRI showed no tear, so I just went to physical therapy for a few months.

It seems that the foot issues & the leg/back/knee issues I've had over the years are all related (who knew?), so I was actually glad to be addressing things, hoping I'd nip it all in the bud. It has taken a lot longer than I wanted it to or expected, and things aren't as perfect as I'd hoped, but I'm getting there. If I had needed surgery, it would have been at least 6 months of recovery afterwards.

I've slowly moved from elliptical only (barf) with no resistance, to some resistance, to taking "brisk" walks outside or on the treadmill with bursts of fast walking. It has been almost 6 months since the knee pop, and I ran for the first time 2 days ago. I haven't been to physical therapy in about 2 months, and my therapist told me not to even think about running until I had been pain-free for a month, but I just couldn't quite do it. I'd say I had a couple weeks pain-free (meaning no "Oh, my Lord! My knee is going to break!" moments or days where I just want to ice my knee, have Seth rub it, and I cry), but then had another "Oh, crap!" day. But I've been doing little pre-running things like jumping and just barely-not-running times in my walks on the treadmill, so I thought it was time. A little competition (even in my own mind) doesn't hurt, either. I ran into some people I knew at the gym the other day, so of course, I wanted to run instead of just walking on the treadmill.

So after a warm-up and a few rounds of 4.2 mph walking, I decided to try the jog. Just 4.3 for 30 seconds. And it was great. I walked for 3 more minutes then decided to try it again. I wasn't hurting, so I planned on just repeating that for a while. It was VERY difficult to not push it too far, so I kept telling myself what I needed to do and that I do NOT want to be injured again/longer. I focused on my stride, being sure my feet weren't rolling, I wasn't pounding, and I crouched a tiny bit, while still keeping my torso long. I did end up shortening my walk breaks to 2.5 minutes, but I stayed at 30 seconds of running. I did that until I had about 5.5 minutes of running total, then I noticed that I was at 2.9 miles. Well, I might as well do a 5k, right? Of course. So, I may have been dumb. I ran out the last .2 miles, which ended up being 2 minutes, which may have not been the smartest thing I've ever done, but it didn't come back to bite me.

So, 7 minutes or so of running out of 50, and I felt good. My knee was definitely sore and very stiff, so I've been icing & stretching a lot. Yesterday, I just went on the stationary bike for 30 minutes or so. My knee was definitely stiff, but the bike didn't really hurt. Then today, I did an outside run for the first time in almost 6 months. The dog & I walked down to the creek, and I let myself run for 30 seconds at a time for only 3 minutes total, with 3 minutes of walking between runs. Oh man, was it hard to not do more, but I am really trying to be smart about this. I wanted to run more, but I was outside and it didn't hurt, so I'm happy. The tendons on the back of my knee were pretty tight, but no sharp pain or real aching.

I've signed up for The Color Run on July 14th, and I wasn't sure if I'd be walking or running, but I think I'll be running, which is a lovely thought. I'm going to find a good training plan and stick with it, so I hope that I can do a half this fall and actually get a PR. If I'm smart & listen to my body, I'm pretty sure I can do this. Here's to trying to get into Nike this year!

YA Lit & Judgment

The Hunger Games came out yesterday (the movie). I saw it and liked it a lot. Love it. I'll buy it when it comes out on DVD. I've read the three Hunger Games books and enjoyed them very much.

You know what I also love and have read and enjoy and bought? Twilight. You know what? I'm allowed to like both, and so is everyone else.

Sure, Twilight  is cheesy with its teenage drama, love triangles, and sparkling vampires. And The Hunger Games doesn't have crap like teenage drama, love triangles, or genetically modified dog-creatures wearing the faces of dead contestants. Oh, wait. It does.


In the movie, Katniss is strong and smart, and I can understand someone calling her their hero. In the book? Not so much. All the way through, she is just as stupid, self-involved, and annoying as Bella is. One of the best part of the movie is NOT having to deal with her internal monologue.

Also, the HG books aren't a paragon of great literature while the Twilight books are the scribblings of a deranged 12 year-old. I place The Hunger Games in the same category as The DaVinci Code, though they are a bit above that: a good, page-turner of a story with crappy writing. Or at least lazy writing.
What Collins does have over Meyers is her world-building and a more long-form plot she's following. That is more interesting for a lot of people. (I don't comment on the writing style of Meyers here because, truly, it has been a couple years since I read them, and I don't remember being revolted by the writing, but I was in a weird place & was quite wrapped up in the stories.)

What I think many people are ripping on when they compare the two is the fact that the Twilight books are unashamedly girly. They're romances, written for teenage girls, but many adults and also plenty of guys have read them and enjoyed them. The Hunger Games books are full of violence and politics, so they appeal to even more guys and adults, and that's fine.

Am I saying that Bella is someone to be admired and that the Twilight books are to be held up as full of quality and role models? Not at all. Just double-check your vitriol and be sure that it isn't based mostly on the fact that something is girly. Everything fills a different niche and desire in people, and something you loved 4 months ago doesn't have to be trashed now because you love something else that happens to be loosely in the same genre. The world is big. Read lots and see lots of movies. Like them all, if you want.

I know, I know. I'm a terrible blogger.

I've just been overwhelmed. Sneaky carbonara post aside, the last time I wrote here was the day before I became a mom. On May 25, 2011, we got our first foster child. She was two and a half, super smart and cute, and we adored her. The first five days were extremely difficult, and I questioned our decision. I missed our old life and I didn't feel attached to her at all. Then it clicked, and I was in love. I felt like God had given me the child I had asked for (down to how she looked), and I was certain we would adopt her.

We had her with us for 9 weeks, and then she moved in with someone who had adopted her sister. She is there now, will likely be adopted there, and it is where she belongs. But our hearts were broken. Before I met the woman who is now her mom, I was prepared to fight it as much as I could. I wept and made phone calls and mourned and cried out to God for answers. Even though I know now that she's where she belongs and we weren't a good match, I could cry about her at any time at all if I wanted to. I haven't seen her since Halloween weekend, I have presents for her and her siblings in the corner of the living room, and I'm freaking out a bit about her mom not calling me for the past three weeks.

But I have to relax. One of the first things I learned as a parent was that God adores me and wants me to be loved and have wins just as much as I want those things for her. That was hard for me to grasp at first. I would pray for wisdom on how to react to her or think about how God would act, but I figured that I didn't deserve the same treatment since I'm an adult and should know better. Silly girl, I'm not an adult compared to God!

Even when I was in mourning, it wasn't as if I was worried about her. I was just so sad. My prayers started sounding a lot like her fits and crying jags. -Why are you crying? -Because I am! or -Because I'm sad! I'd like to think that I've progressed beyond the maturity of a 2-year-old, but apparently not. That's okay.

The Perfect Crime

Not really. I just discovered a great way to torture myself & my husband: I made a delicious dinner including both bacon (hooray!) and onions (booooo!). We acknowledge that onions add good flavor to things, so I sometimes will either shred onions very small so they basically turn to mush, or I leave them in big pieces so they are easily dodged. The problem with the carbonara I made the other day? Well, the bacon & the onions are the same color, & roughly the same sized pieces, so you really can't tell what you're scooping up.

Ha! Fooled us!

ID10T

I used to work in tech support, and I actually loved it on one of the projects I worked on. I loved talking to people from all over the place, helping them with their problems, and feeling like the smartest person in the world. It was good fun, for the most part.

I've also had conversations that lasted well over an hour with people that had absolutely no business touching a computer. They just had the bad luck to still be working as we entered the 21st century, where pretty much every job requires the use of technology. I have put people on hold & cried out for help from God & my colleagues, because I just didn't know how to explain it in any other way.

So let me say that I know how to make my way around a problem. If I can't solve it myself, I've googled it (when applicable), and basically tried everything I can before I get to the point of contacting customer/tech support.

Also? I know how to write a message. I'm not perfect- I don't always think of every, little detail they might need to know (windows version, time of day, color of my mood ring), but I explain what I did. "I've tried this, this, and this, as directed on the site, and this is the error message that I got."

My point? I'm not stupid. And I hate stupid tech support workers. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, because most of the people I worked with weren't all that good at their jobs. (FYI: at least for website issues, the support staff is not full of computer whizzes. At all.) It bugs the crap out of me when I get a message back and they clearly did not read my message.

"Hey! Thanks for writing! You can just go ahead and press the 'forgot password' link on the login screen and we'll send you a temporary password! Don't forget to check your spam folder!!!!!!!1!!"*

Vomit. You can tell they're trying very hard to be nice & chummy & not talk down, but it's sooooo not working.

*I understand if they have a process & that's the first step that the must tell everyone to do. Fine. But acknowledge that I have a brain in my head in your message, á la "I see that you already tried this, but just try it one more time for me & tell me the error message you get." Or just go ahead & escalate it already or tell me the next step.

He is Risen Indeed!

It is almost 8am on Easter, and I haven't slept. I'm very tired, and I've been weepy.

I am waiting. We are waiting. I don't know what's in Seth's head. He's probably fine.

We're almost ready to start foster care with the intent to adopt. We have 2 weeks before we can have our home open for...kidness, I guess. That is because we are waiting on word regarding the family member we may adopt. Who I want to adopt. Bad. But I'll also be thrilled if she can stay with her family. That would be great. And I would mourn an idea.

So I wait. And even when I try to say, "Okay, let's move on. What do I need to do to get ready for a kid here?" I still get stuck. We haven't heard from adoptions for a while, which frustrates me. I'm sure they're waiting to hear from us about the family member, but I want all that stuff to be ready, too. If we're not going to be adopting my relative, I'll want another kid immediately. I want this. I wish we could have some foster kids even just in these next two weeks, just so something could start.

I'm sick of waiting. I think I may be getting an ulcer. My stomach hurts lately, I can't sleep, I'm exhausted, I'm depressed. I want to watch TV or read or be online because then I don't think. I feel fat and lazy, and I want to go run, but I think when I'm running. I don't want to think. I'm sick of it. I need distraction.

So. That's what's going on with me.

Well, they showed me.

We're having some prescription insurance confusion, so I was without my anti-depressants for about a week & a half. I had thought, "Fine. Maybe this is my way to get off of them." You know, how most people on psych meds do from time to time. "Oh, I'm feeling fine [on the meds] so I must not need them!" It's a highly intelligent argument, for sure.

Anyway, I was thinking that I just wouldn't get my meds. Then I also said to Seth just the day before yesterday, "You know, I don't think we have to take all our vitamins & supplements anymore. I don't think they're doing anything. I don't feel any different & they're expensive."

Cue yesterday & actually, part of the day before: Dang it! I am TIRED! And I don't really want to do anything. I'm not motivated. Let's just sit around the house. No! I'll go running and cry about how much I suck. That's a plan.

You're slick, meds. You let me quickly learn my own lesson.

In sum: filling up my pill boxes w/vitamins & bought my prescription yesterday, because even w/o insurance (until we get that sorted) it's not expensive.